a jump of the heart

My song has changed,

it's bitter and sweet.

A strange melody,

completely new to me. 

With just a jump of the heart, 

and a blink of the eye, 

my cup's overflowin'

and i'm wonderin' why.

My hearts been deceived, 

and my mind's not at rest,

I'm unfaithful, and weary,

But you still choose to bless.

My heart's native tongue,

now is foreign, incomplete.

But in this desert of defeat,

you're a spring of relief.

With just a jump of the heart, 

and a blink of the eye, 

my cup's overflowin'

and i'm wonderin' why.

My hearts been deceived, 

and my mind's not at rest,

I'm unfaithful, and weary,

But you still choose to bless.

Risks are for taking, even if we're alone,

and maps prove faultless- only once our journey's begun.

No more waiting in hopes for lost games to be won,

'cause the prize is so much greater-- a plan that's made to be undone.

Time.

Summer sands, dirty feet,
understanding feasibly.
A smile was the first to meet,
words came simply, easily.

Time is a friend, for finding new ways,
time is the book in which memories are made.
And time is a curse, for losing what's got,
time is the grave in which memories get lost.

Winter ice, frozen fingers,
words unspoken, thoughts in mime.
Eyes don't know where to look,
and years past are nothing but time.

Time is unchanging, consistent and true,
time is the sun, time is the moon.
And time is unreliable, moody, and blue,
time is my heart, beating too soon.

-J

bright age

  Lipoveni, Moldova

somber saturday

Found this piece jotted down in my journal from a few months ago. Funny. I still relate...

If I don't write, my mind may explode,

But once I get started it's a long, long road.

'Cause you see, I've got feelings; thoughts, even needs,

They're all trapped inside- just dying to be freed. 

Now the problem lies between mind and fingers-

there's a disconnect that leaves thoughts to linger.

'Cause I can't empty them out, like a bag full of trash-

heck, I can only hope to grab a few from this stash. 

Now here's a page full, and I've said next to nothing- 

I wonder what'd happen if I really reached for something.

If you want to know about my recent creative ventures, check out my art blog- www.theblueroomventures.blogspot.com

Today, I feel overwhelmed, impatient, anxious, excited, and weary. Strange? Yeah.

How are you? 

-j

dusting off the cobwebs...

There are about ten million ways I could go here, so I'm just going to go… and see what happens.

Life. 

eek. 

OH, i know… since I've been blogospherically absent for so long, maybe I'll give a few options of what I could write about… you know, to get me back in the groove. You can tell me what you'd most enjoy 'hearing' about at this point. And who knows, I may just end up writing what I want to in the end, but at least it's a fun thought now. Ha!

This may be tough, because so often the areas in my life all mix together, but I'll attempt setting some topics apart. Okay, I could tell you about…

1. new creative ventures.

2. the tough life stuff. 

3. the free time i have and how the heck i'm trying to use it. 

4. a piece of creative writing. 

5. what's kept me away from writing. 

6. make up your own topic. 

Okay, this may be the lamest blog post ever, but it's my way of slowing getting my feet wet again in the giant pool of letters, ideas, and inspiration. 

Let me know what you'd like to read about, and I shall be back shortly. 

Hope this finds you well :) 

-J

a name.

Give me a name and I'll tell you with certainty; be it a man or a woman- they'll let you down,
this mere human flesh we're all stuck in, it's so good at hiding the messes we've wound.


Give me a name and I'll tell you with certainty; be it a man or a woman- they've done wrong,
this earthly existence, the nature of being, means birth with a wicked and selfish song.


Give me a name and I'll tell you with certainty; be it a man or a woman- they've suffered,
a lack of some kind, every human has- physical, emotional, mental…


See the world is broken, and broken is something that isn't the way of it's maker's intent. To be missing a part, or have excess, unneeded- we've been caged, by rebellion, so we need to be freed.


But, thankfully, thankfully… it doesn't end there. Thankfully, thankfully… we don't have to despair…


'Cause I'll give you a name and I'll tell you with certainty; he is aware, able, active,
the maker or life, the true reason for our existence has set up a plan, to further his intentions.


See, it's not how you think, it doesn't seem right, to take a good thing and give it up for wrong's right,
but the perfect was destroyed for the deepest of love, not love like you know, but a real fight.


For souls black as night, with wicked intent, the passionate, the humble, bled instead of the rest;
love was poured out, perfect for imperfect, just for unjust, it was the best kind of test.


And because of this nature, holy for broken, good for evil, pure for impure, nature was bested;
three days and I AM took back his bride, a rescue to say the least, his wrath was unleashed.


The world is broken, flesh is wounded, but there's now a way out, a surrender to freedom,
a path that leads home, to where our hearts yearn, to life, and beauty, and wholeness- an Eden.


So just as he, the perfect, the righteous, lay down his life so that we could have hope,
we must also give all, every bit of our being, to gain what he offers us, home eternal, life with meaning.

twenty-nine strong.

Greetings.

          Yesterday was a really special day and I'm going to post about it… Well, let me rephrase that- yesterday represented something really special and I'm going to post about that. My parents made a commitment 29 years ago, yesterday- to marriage and have kept that commitment. 

Special, yes. Unfortunately, in the world we live in today, twenty-nine years of marriage IS a special thing. And I consider myself blessed to be the daughter of two people who have taken that vow seriously. 

          I cannot really give you a full twenty-nine year's worth recap of how special this is, but I will tell you that I certainly am thankful for their commitment, which is ultimately to Christ. I know, with no doubt, that if you asked either one of my parents, "How have you done it?"- they would respond with something along the lines of "It was nothing that we did- it was the Lord's faithfulness and mercy." 

In fact, why don't you just ask them? :)

Some things I really just love about these two…

           Because Christ is in control, their commitment is so much more than just keeping a promise. These two are ridiculously in love. After twenty-nine years, they still love- actually, probably more now than ever- love being together. They are continually learning about and growing with each other. 

           My dad takes my mom away to far-off places. Okay, i know I complain when they abandon us… but come on, I'm almost twenty-one… I can handle it. Trust me, I secretly love that they explore the world together. I hope to do more of that too, if ever I get me a husband. 

          They read the Bible together, pray together, and learn together. They're one, not only as husband and wife, but spiritually, as well. This is how it's supposed to be, people. Equally yoked. Okay, that looks weird when I write it, but it's true! I just love the humbleness, obedience, and faithfulness I see in their relationship.

Just look at them.

Saturday, Saturday, ever loving Saturday.

Day 7:
Saturday.
Today, I pretty much just did my own thing. And loved it.
Didn't redesign the blog, didn't take a bike ride (tomorrow!?), didn't write those letters… (wow, this is sounding bad…)
BUT, I did study Spanish and I am basically ready for class to start again on Monday… and it's not even Sunday yet! Miracles do happen.
I worked in my room for most of the day… exciting, right?

Since I didn't get any questions in the last post, I've decided I'll stick with my theme for the day and do what I want to do, which is me telling you some things I loved about today…

My record player. Something about listening to old records just gives me delight. I am swept back in time.

Brilliant. Favorite word of the day. I often find excessive joy in certain words at random times.

Revelation. That book has pretty much always scared me to death, but I'm really trying to go into it with a fresh, open mind. Even though I feel completely inadequate in deciphering it's content, I know the Lord can reveal his will and purpose to even a foolish girl like me. What a mighty God we serve!

Solitude. As I've grown older, more and more I've come to appreciate time alone. Time to just be, to think, to work quietly- or not so quietly :)

My sister. Our friendship is like none other I've ever had or will ever have. I'm so thankful for her. These past two weeks have been wonderful, Lana. We do girl parties right.

Bare walls. Yeah, I said it. I want to get some pieces done so I can get something fresh up on those walls.

Did you do anything extravagant today?
Tell me about it…
but only if it involves wild animals, sailing, or baking cakes.

No, really though… tell me. Also, I'm still open to questions :)

-J

Cheers.

Day 6:
It's 12:42 a.m… again. Weird? Yeah. That's weird. 
I'm so tired. I'm so happy the Jayhawks won. My foot hurts real bad and I have no idea why… 
These are the things on my mind. 
No deep thoughts tonight. 
I'll just answer Sally's fun question and bid thee a glorious Saturday…


She writes, "Here's a not-so-serious question! You mentioned zoo animals in a previous post, so----if you could be any animal, what would it be? :D"


Well now, I think some type of bird would be great, because of the flying ability of course. Or a majestic jungle animal… like, like… a panther. Or, a lioness :) Because, wow. You just gotta respect those cats. 
Honestly, I'm sure there's something far better and unique, but in my present condition of physical exhaustion and mental madness, I'm going to stick with what I've already said. Good question :) 


Feel free to ask more questions. And now I'll ask you- my dear readers, a question:


If you could choose any show/performance to attend, be it professional theatre, a famous band concert, etc, what would it be? 


I'd hate to answer that question… I hate choosing favorites. You probably know this already.


Here's to a wonderful week, and a new day tomorrow.


Cheers.
-J

Better late than never, eh?

Day 5:
It's 12:42 a.m. 
I'm writing for the day I just lived, even though it's technically the next day right now. Whatevs. 


So I thought that the question thing would be fun, then Dillon and Peter had to go all serious and deep on me… that's what I get for joking about keys having souls and what not, I suppose ;) No, just kidding. I like getting questions… it makes me feel important. ha!


Here goes…


Dillon said, "Here's a question to chew on:
What is a soul?"

Well, to clear things up, I certainly wasn't serious about lovely antiques having souls. I do think though that they may have some 'soul', so to speak. As, in character, history, etc.

What is a soul...

This was tough. I just asked my sister her opinion, and I really liked her thoughts.

A soul is who one is, apart from any physicality. The life, the persona of a being. 

I think that the soul is what makes us unique- each made special by the hand of God, with different passions, different desires, and different purposes. We live out those things in the bodies he put us in, which also make us unique from one another. 

He created us in his image, and I think that may not just be a physical recreation, but a 'soul duplication' as well. It's connecting with God and others on a deeper level than something we can see, or touch, or smell, etc. 

Who knows if any of that made sense.

Peter asked, "A question: When are you most content in Christ?"

I think that I am most content in Christ when I am most surrendered to Christ. It's amazing that when we let everything of this world go, and give it all to him, becoming a slave to righteousness… that is when true freedom and life are gained. I would be lying if I said I were there now. I often feel like I have the right words, or thoughts and can convey them nicely… all the while living the very way I'm speaking against. Life is a battle, and it does me good to remember I have an enemy, desperately trying to destroy me, and at the same time- a worthy king, passionately loving me, as I consistently fail him, and betray him. 

I am most content after I've battled- struggled, surrendered and found rest in his perfect will and faithfulness. 

Also, yes, I went back to an old playlist. Hopefully when/if I redesign my blog soon, I'll have a better playlist of more recent music findings. But this will do for now. Glad it made you happy.

Yeah, I sort of love the question thing. Any kinds of questions.

Hope you all are doing well, and had a great Thursday.

Peace.

-J 

material madness.

Day 4:

Another lovely day. What a beautiful gift this weather is!

Most of this day, I spent working in my studio. I'm trying to get rid of as much as I can, and organize what I keep. It's fun going through old stuff and seeing how I've changed. I definitely cringe when I come upon old notebooks or sketchbooks with random writings and doodles. And I love going through stuff I've accumulated recently and haven't sorted yet. I had a big box from an estate sale from a while back… ahhh, so delightful. 

As tough as it is to get rid of things that hold childhood memories, and as much as I just really love a good pile of antique treasure… I've been reminded of the value of material things. Or lack thereof. The material things in our lives will pass away one day, just like our bodies. 

Strictly physical. 

…Although I'm almost convinced that old spools of thread, and vintage keys have souls…

Let us not forget reality. Let us take care of what matters eternally. 

Let us make right our hearts with the one who created them.

No material possession can match the reward of that. 

Oh! And Sally asked a question in a comment on my last post… "Philosophizing....if you were on a desert island and no one read your posts, would you keep writing? Why or why not? Are bloggers something of islanders?"

The answer is…. 

I think that if I had the desire to write, I would. I wouldn't feel obligated because I knew no one would read it. Sort of like a journal. It'd be for personal reasons. Plus, I bet I'd be super bored, so that might help. Maybe bloggers are like islanders… or like animals in a zoo… just doing their thing with people coming by whenever they want, to watch them in their natural habitat. ha! What a thought… I suddenly feel like an idiot. 

Okay, So... thanks to Sally, I WANT MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU GUYS :) 

-J

1:43

Day 3:
I don't know about you, but i'm pretty proud of myself for posting before the end of the day.
Also, I feel really annoying posting every day. But I said I would and keeping my word is something I feel is important in our age of intention-less words. Seriously, let's let our 'yes' be 'yes' and our 'no' be 'no.'
And, if we can't, don't say anything at all.

Glad we got that settled.

This day started early, and was so worth it. One of my best friends turns 22 today and I had the privilege of getting her first on her birthday :)

I'm so blessed by her constant friendship and encouragement in my life. When busyness keeps us from talking for weeks at a time, we know we can always come back and nothing will have changed. Well, yes, we are constantly learning, changing, living… but, our friendship is steady and doesn't waver with the storms life throws.

We had breakfast at Blue Bird Bistro, drove around down town, and braved an Asian Market.
Absolutely delightful.
Love you, dear Annah Beth!

Well, Naturally...

Day 2:
Today was a lovely day.
Nothing extraordinary. Just being.
First bike ride of the year, fresh fruit crepes, and Ella turned 5 years old.
The weather was amazing and with the the windows open and some old records playing, I was a happy girl.

Something I like about life: having the ability and opportunity to do things I've never done before, and learning from them.
Something I hate about life: repeated mistakes, glitches, things that have happened and continue to happen.

What about you?

-J

Keys, Aspiration, and a Blog Resurrection.

Spring Break means…

People.

Studio time.

Being outside.

Movies.

Creativity.

Spontaneity.

And, blogging. 

Every day.

I've decided it's time to revamp my blog and post everyday this week.

Maybe people will start reading it again. Blog resurrection, people.

My plan is to take (at least one) photo each day, and also share some bit of that day with you, readers. 

And now is your chance to give input on what direction I take the design of the blog.

Let me know what you think, if you care- in the comment section below. If you don't, I may resort to something terribly cliche like… like… clouds or something. And we don't want that.

Day 1…

If you know me much at all, you probably know that I have a horrible weakness for old things. 

So naturally, Antique stores, Flea markets, and Estate sales are places I frequent. 

Lana and I started the week off right by going to a couple of stores today.

Of course, I had to get these gorgeous keys. I didn't even know I needed them until I saw them. Then I remembered how much I needed them. Story of my life. 

But seriously, old keys get me every time. 

What does this week hold in store for you? 

-J

Crazy? Maybe.

Dear world,

I wasn't made for you. 

I wasn't created for your silly ways, and evil schemes. 

You are full of pain, pride, and all sorts of perplexities. 

Good try, but no thanks.

I have really been thinking lately about who I am, who 'we' are as people, as humans- but for the sake of ease and no hard feelings, I'll just talk about me and my mess here…

I do plenty of things. I act plenty of ways. I'm seen in many different ways.

But, I am not what I do. I am not how I act. I am not some character I try to portray. 

I am a child of the most high King, King of the Universe that is… yeah, the Universe- you heard me. 

Now that I think about it, why in the world would I want to be seen as anything else before that? Oh, the world… right, that's why. I'm in the world. 

How often I think I have to be known as something, or someone. Why? Because in the world I'm in, it's crazy to answer any question about myself as… "Oh, I love Jesus Christ and strive to serve and honor him in all I do… I also love to make stuff." 

Well, heck. Maybe I should just be crazy. 

Yes, I love to dance. I love movement with music. It's incredible. 

Yes, I love to act. I love to interpret words and become and feel like someone I'd never be in real life. 

Yes, I love to create new things for the eye and mind. I love to take something old and used and give it new life and beauty and purpose.

Yes, I love to learn, to read, to write, to capture images. 

Yes, I love to travel, to find adventure, to tell my stories.

All of those things speak about the way I was made and the passions God gave me...

But those things do not define me- should not define me. 

Being the object of the creator of the Universe's affection… Wow, now that is something worth being known by.

With one life here on this messy, beautiful Earth, who or what will you be known for? 

"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

-C.S. Lewis

-J

p.s. The Universe is HUGE, in case you didn't know…

Words and Time.

What is it called when your mind is overflowing with thoughts, emotions, and ideas, but words seem out of reach?

Why can I feel so strongly, but translate so poorly? 

Words. 

They are the problem. With inspiration, understanding, and direction, they create a bottomless pit of possibility…

...but with barriers, confusion, and chaos, they only frustrate and compromise reality. 

And Time, what of that? 

Something so valuable and positively crucial to the human existence, yet so taken for granted. 

Wasted.

Stolen. 

Desired.

Both are gifts, to be used wisely, or to be thrown to the wayside. Both are powerful. 

Depending on the owner, the user, the consumer….

they can be a curse. 

a blessing.

hated.

loved.

We have access to both. 

                                      We have choices. 

We have responsibility. 

                                      We have power.

We have influence.

                                      We have a gift. 

A limited amount of time on this Earth. 

A limited amount of words in our time.

What are you going to do with them?

What am I going to do with them?

the real adventurers.

Greetings.

        Well, it happened- Christmas came and then went. I just really love Christmastime. One of my favorite things about Christmastime is being with family. Cliche, I know. But my family is my favorite, so I like to think they're better than anyone else's. Anyway, this post actually isn't about my Christmas, rather about some people who are a reflection of Christ, so it sort of works out to be Christmas-y.

Now, I've always known my Grandparents to be incredible, loving, generous people who fear the Lord and do their best to serve him in everything they do.

{important note: That up there ^ was from about 2 weeks ago or so- still relevant though, and i'm picking up from where I left off…}

        *Ahem* Grandparents. Christmas… oh, yes. I'm incredible blessed to have Grandparents who I grew up visiting often, who came to endure multiple shows I've been in, who came to stay with us when my parents went on adventures without us, who have driven all over the country to visit family… yes, you get the point- they're amazing. And most amazing of all, their faithfulness to the Lord has led our family to Jesus, too.

        During the time they were visiting for Christmas, my eyes were opened to a whole new level of their amazingness… Most people in their seventies are worried about future living situations, what channel the news is on, and where is their dinner? Not to say that my grandparents are perfect, or that they don't acknowledge that they are not getting younger. But that does not stop them from seeking the Lord's will for their lives at this place where he's brought them. These incredible people are doing kingdom work here! As my Grandmother shared with me letters from a young man she had years ago in Sunday school, who is now is prison, she expressed sadness at not having done more for him when she was in a place of authority. Now, she is corresponding with him and encouraging him, as he's seeking the Lord and trying to do the right thing after all these years that have been lost. My Grandfather meets with other men weekly to pray and is active in sharing Christ's love with those he comes across whether it's his work, or at the grocery store. They visit and serve the lonely, elderly people in the nursing home in Boone, and share the hope and truth of Jesus Christ with them. They listen to these people. My Grandma prays for everyone in our family everyday. And I'm pretty sure that's a huge reason why my immediate family is alive. Seriously.

Basically, I've been really challenged and encouraged by witnessing my grandparents- just living their lives where God takes them. Not on a big stage, not to be seen as anything… but because of Christ in them.



I hope to be as vibrantly passionate about the Lord when I'm seventy-five as they are now.

         Do you have Grandparents? They've been around longer than you, and though you may think you know everything already… you're wrong. Ask them questions, about anything. Respect them. Chances are, you have no idea what their lives have really been like. Chill out and learn something from people who have really lived.

What does God have for me right now, where I am? What does he have for you?

Let's ask him… anything is possible.

-J

p.s. I hope to post more frequently in the coming weeks… but of course you've heard that before. ha.