Wednesday, June 30, 2010

it's nice to know...

Without going into detail about my life lately, I will tell you some things I was thinking about today, and undoubtedly other things too, which I wasn't thinking today. Or something. Moving on…

I have shared a lot on my blog about my thoughts and opinions on things, but I really haven't been too open when it comes to stuff that's really personal. And I haven't because I don't think it's healthy. For me or my readers. I feel likes it's too easy of an access into who I am, without knowing me well and personally. This post isn't really that insightful, but it touches on a deeper level. Hope you can relate and it encourages you in some way.

Maybe you have felt like this before and can relate to these worries. I often live through each day with a feeling of anxiety, or pressure to get certain things done, accomplish special tasks or move forward with the things I want to pursue. This isn't that bad of a thing, it's actually probably a good thing to help me be productive, and not lazy. But, I've realized that it's not just in everyday things like doing my laundry, working, sticking to a schedule etc… it's a whole life, all the time thing. Like stressing about the future, regretting not learning things when I was younger, wanting to be the perfect girl I wish I was…

Yeah. Not good stuff. It's good to have dreams, hopes and passions. And it's good not to be lazy. But there has to be a line in the middle. A place to be able to be content in where I am, what I am doing, and how I am living- but still be striving for more, and better, and seeking to grow in all areas of life.
I know that there is joy and peace in the salvation I have and I need to seek the giver of that to find it. Satan loves to have me just getting through each day feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and longing for something more. And he's done too much damage already all around me. I cannot let him win this battle.
I've struggled with feelings of failure and inadequacy for as long as I can remember.

Today, the Lord gently reminded me that I don't have to worry. He is in control and I can trust him. I look back on the times when I really, fully relied on him for strength and wisdom- I haven't been let down. The scary part is really letting go. Giving him the pen to write my story. After all, who is better at writing stories than the author of life itself?

p.s. have i ever told you how much i love the thesaurus?

Monday, June 21, 2010

My Dad.

My dad is incredible. I am so terribly blessed by this man and I don't really know how I got so lucky to have a father like him. He is simply the best.
He is a hard worker and has always provided for us, but never made work more important than family and encouraged the relationships within our family to be top priority, which makes the fact that my best friends ARE my family pretty neat.
He's always given us what we need, but never went overboard with spoiling, which I'm grateful for (though, when i was younger and Jessa had the pool, the sims game, the ferbie, the cable, and a bunch of pets… I may have felt a little differently ;)
We were spoiled with the fact that we traveled/travel a lot! His passion for seeing the world, became my passion as well. Some of our most memorable times have been on family vacations when he's herded us all over the world on long, incredible adventures.
I'm also thankful for his disciplinary action when we were growing up. Though again, I certainly did not appreciate or understand it then, I do now and know now how important that is. And along with the discipline came love and assurance. He did it the right way.
Though, I know reader that after reading all that, you must think him a superman by now (I didn't even get started! ;) but, I could not let you leave thinking he is what is he because of himself or anything he has accomplished. It is by Christ's sacrificial love and the grace of God that his life is what it is. And he would not want you thinking anything different! I am so thankful that my father made the choice to serve the Lord, not just using words but by deeds and actions. Because of that, I have seen Christ in him and know how better to serve the Lord, my personal savior.

Needless to say, I love him.
How will I ever find anyone who comes close?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

featured writer and superb friend

I have been blessed with not only a wonderful family, but dear friends who love Jesus and push me toward him more. I think that is what true fellowship is…what God intended 'the church" to be. People gathering together in his name, living life together, sharing joy and pain.
A particular friend of mine is Rachael Marie. Some may say the name Rachael is common. And some may spell it wrong- like Rachel. But for me, a girl who has the gift of friendship with Rachael knows that no other "Rachael" (or "Rachel" for that matter) is quite like this one. This one is beautiful, caring, and talented-just to mention a few of her remarkable virtues. She knows how to party, but can be for real serious when it's important. She looks awesome with photobooth effects and she drives a beast of a truck. Needless to say, we enjoy life , live out loud, and make lots of memories.
Here's a note that Rachael wrote recently on facebook that I loved and wanted to share with my blog readers. It encouraged me in more ways than one. I hope you enjoy and take something from it. 
And if you read it all, there's a special photo gallery at the end ;) ha!


Come, My child.
Let Me encourage your heart.
I know the wait is lonely.
I know the wait seems long.
I understand the ache. I desire to soothe the longing.
Let my words bring you comfort.
Let My words fill you with hope.

Refresh yourself in Me as you wait...

Hi. My name is Rachael. And I am waiting...
I'm not going to start this note off like every other note. I'm not going to tell you God has laid this on my heart or that I've been praying about this...I'm just going to share with you. And hope that something I say will encourage your heart is some way.

Waiting is agony sometimes...but everyone has to do it. Whether you're waiting to hear if you got the job, a part in a play, a scholarship to a college. Waiting for your grief of a loved one to be over, for a loved one to get well, for a prayer to be answered, for something meaningful in your life to happen, for someone to spend the rest of your life with, to have your baby, for your child to be healed, for your sickness to be over, for a friend to come to Christ. Everyone waits...and none of us like it.

Psalm 119:83-84
I am shriveled like a wineskin in the smoke, exhausted with waiting. But I cling to your principles and obey them. How long must I wait?

We should not ask ourselves how long should I wait, but how should I wait. When you're waiting, life doesn't stop. It shouldn't. If you're waiting for a cast list you don't go sit in your bed room for 3 days straight until an email pops up or you get a call do you? No. You wake up, eat breakfast, go about your day. It's always on the back of your mind, but you don't stop living...
In the same way, no matter what you're waiting for, or who, or when, or why, don't stop your life. Enjoy it. God knows you're waiting...he knows you're hurting over it too.

Psalm 40:1,3
I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry...He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

I feel like Satan tries to tell us God doesn't care. Like He forgot about us or something...and sometimes we're so weary, that we believe it. Satan doesn't give a care about you. Why the heck do we believe him? Blows my mind why almost everytime, I think he's right. There is no peace in that. Satan only cares about giving you what you want and having his way with you, God cares about giving you the best possible things in life. He loves you. So why would he abandon you?
Praise and contentment can get you through your waiting period...Satan can't stand it when we praise God even though we're not getting our way. So even when you lay on your bedroom floor and sob and ask God why...remember to get up and praise him because He loves you so. If you give whatever you are waiting for to God and continue to praise Him no matter what. Nothing and no one will be able to hinder God from giving it to you in time. In God's time...not our time.

Look....I know I sound like I completely believe this with all my heart and it's no struggle for me. But the only reason I'm writing this is because this IS my struggle. Everyday of my joke. I still don't have this down, I still don't understand, somedays I still don't believe. But I know it's truth...and I know that God loves me. Therefore I do my best to praise Him. To thank Him. To love Him. To live life in the now as best I can...and to wait...because we all have to do it...

Thanks for reading this, I hope in some way you were encouraged. I love you all =]

Here's to many more years and silly photographs…

i luff you rachael marie!

Friday, June 11, 2010

blue, a little.

Faces all around,
room full of sound. 
            But I feel a little lonely.
Busy bodies everywhere,
Do any of them really care?
            I still feel a little lonely.
'Great job', 'good work.'
Words, words, words.
            I still feel a little lonely.
Hundreds of eyes,
a loud applause.
           But I still feel a little lonely.
Eyes meet, hands touch- 
the last dance is danced.
           I'm not so lonely anymore.
Glances come, we don't care-
our world is complete again.
           I'm home, and lonely is gone.


This is a piece I did for a creative challenge given by a Vicki of 'Simply Hue'
Not completely in love with it. Did it pretty fast and didn't put much into it. It's kind of messy and thrown together. But I still like it and shall claim it as my work :)

Would love to hear thoughts on either piece!
Question of the post: (caution: it's a tough one…)

Favorite disney pixar film? 
I don't think I could even answer this one… *sigh*


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Some things just aren't meant to be I guess. 

Short post- good song describing life as of late. 

Friday, June 4, 2010

You are my sunshine.

Here are some photos of my sweet cousin, Mason from a while back. We had a fun time in the back yard swinging, counting, sliding and being all around silly :)


"my hands are dirty"

favorite. just saying.

couldn't resist.

Isn't he incredible? 

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

the life of a cloud.

The voluminous shapes in excess
filling the sky with dimension.
I wonder what happens when they touch?
Do they mesh into one and change course,
or are they on their own, just passing through?

The plush pillows are changing, constantly rearranging.
Light is streaming through them now-
leaking out around the edges,
illuminating and defining- lining them with silver,
transforming them into glassy pools; pure reflections in the glow of the sun.

How nice it would be- to have the life of a cloud.
To just hang up there in the pale vastness; to enjoy the view-
watch the cars pass by below,
the birds take flight, and see
the bright city lights.

How easy it must be- to have the life of a cloud.
To never worry about saying the wrong thing
or making the same mistake over and over again.
To be free from fear and feeling, pain and people;
just breeze through the days in the warm, open sky.

But would it ever get old- to have the life of a cloud?
Only able to watch all the action down below.
Would it be worth sacrificing love with the pain,
joy with the sorrow, and hope with the fear?
Is just existing enough- dancing through life with no real purpose or meaning?

I guess the life of a cloud is no life at all.
Isn't it strange that we realize how good something is-
only after we've lost it- or wished it away?
Reality is calling, real adventure is with it-
so take me back down, I don't want to miss it.