Without going into detail about my life lately, I will tell you some things I was thinking about today, and undoubtedly other things too, which I wasn't thinking today. Or something. Moving on…
I have shared a lot on my blog about my thoughts and opinions on things, but I really haven't been too open when it comes to stuff that's really personal. And I haven't because I don't think it's healthy. For me or my readers. I feel likes it's too easy of an access into who I am, without knowing me well and personally. This post isn't really that insightful, but it touches on a deeper level. Hope you can relate and it encourages you in some way.
Maybe you have felt like this before and can relate to these worries. I often live through each day with a feeling of anxiety, or pressure to get certain things done, accomplish special tasks or move forward with the things I want to pursue. This isn't that bad of a thing, it's actually probably a good thing to help me be productive, and not lazy. But, I've realized that it's not just in everyday things like doing my laundry, working, sticking to a schedule etc… it's a whole life, all the time thing. Like stressing about the future, regretting not learning things when I was younger, wanting to be the perfect girl I wish I was…
Yeah. Not good stuff. It's good to have dreams, hopes and passions. And it's good not to be lazy. But there has to be a line in the middle. A place to be able to be content in where I am, what I am doing, and how I am living- but still be striving for more, and better, and seeking to grow in all areas of life.
I know that there is joy and peace in the salvation I have and I need to seek the giver of that to find it. Satan loves to have me just getting through each day feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and longing for something more. And he's done too much damage already all around me. I cannot let him win this battle.
I've struggled with feelings of failure and inadequacy for as long as I can remember.
Today, the Lord gently reminded me that I don't have to worry. He is in control and I can trust him. I look back on the times when I really, fully relied on him for strength and wisdom- I haven't been let down. The scary part is really letting go. Giving him the pen to write my story. After all, who is better at writing stories than the author of life itself?
p.s. have i ever told you how much i love the thesaurus?