Most days I just wish I was Different. Better. Able.
Wouldn't it be great to be one of those great people?
That's pretty much my thought process.
I wish that when I had a sudden flood of emotion or joy,
I'd have the ability to sit down and compose a gorgeous tune,
or paint a masterpiece- original and personal,
or write a short story or poem, full of allegory and meaning.
Because it's all in there, it just doesn't know how to come out.
Most days I think, "If only. If only I was that kind of person."
Then some days, not nearly as often, in fact, very rarely do they come- I think, "What if I was that kind of person? Would I wish to be another kind? Would I really be satisfied in my abilities. Is that true life? Is that where 'it's at'?"
Probably not. I'd probably have other desires, like of being an average person who dreamed a lot and hoped for adventure- like the person I really am. Though, I'll never really know…
The point is that no matter who we are or what we can't do, we'll always be wanting to be something else.
Joy comes from being fully satisfied in Christ. And living fully comes from joy.
Dissatisfaction in who I am striving to be points to something deeper- attempting to be something on my own- searching for fulfillment elsewhere than in Christ.
Sometimes being a person is hard. And makes me tired.
The fact that I know the creator of the universe… now that is a reason to live, and live fully.