Thursday, December 2, 2010

Hidden in the Text

I open my worn-out wallet and investigate its contents. Library card, postage stamps, and plenty of punch cards I’ll never use again. Ah, there is it. KANSAS DL. I pull it out and look over the information that describes me as a human.

Gender. Ever since I was little, I’ve loved dressing up, trying to look pretty. At times, I failed miserably (Mom, where WERE you?) I’ve desired to be a beauty worth rescuing. Every girl was created with hopes and dreams. Though the world loves to destroy the passion in hearts, perverting beauty and twisting love- I choose to seek out adventure and chase the dreams that were planted inside me for a purpose.

Height. “Yes, I know I’m short.” I wonder how many times I’ve had to say that. I do happen to see myself in the mirror every so often. Perhaps some folks just see height as power? Maybe they are insecure, and feel better when they meet short people. Just for the record, I am perfectly okay with my height. I have more options when it comes to marriage!

Weight. I was so skinny and limber, and then something horrible happened. I grew up, and when I ate, it actually affected me. Going from being able to down nerds and coke weekly and staying tiny and cute to entering an awkward phase in which vertical and horizontal growth hormones got mixed up on their dates is traumatizing! I’ve never really been the same as before, but I’ve managed to cope. Thankfully, after losing the little figure, I lost the appetite for junk, too.

Eye color. The vast ocean, the slender blades of grass, the textured skin on a lime…  green is life, representing growth. I’m not an environmentalist and I don’t worship trees. I enjoy the beautiful creation all around me, and I love to discover. My eyes haven’t always been green-when I was little they were blue. Some changes in life are good.

Birth date. I love the anticipation of that day. Usually, nothing outrageously incredible, or dramatically life-changing happens, but I like to know there’s always the possibility. Who knows what could transpire? It’s silly of me to think this way, when really anything could happen on any given day, and every day is someone’s birthday, but still, I like to dream.

Signature. It isn’t half bad considering it was written with one of those electronic pens. You know the kind I’m talking about. Where after you’re done, you have to make some joke to the teller about how bad you are at using “those things.” Really, I CAN write my name.

Organ Donor. That sunny afternoon in May, driving home from work, I realized just how much control I actually have. I often cruise through life, planning and forecasting my days. I have a responsibility when it comes to using time, spending money, and the words I speak, but control? When I was skidding across the highway, attempting to regain control of the car, I was thinking, “This could be it.” Then, after the car hit the median, I thanked God for his hand over my physical protection, though in a matter of seconds my emotional, mental, and spiritual state was thrown into confusion. That day I learned that I really don’t have control over my life and gladly recognize the one who does. And, because of that, I am here today, telling you about it.

Okay, so I do still LOVE icecream. don't judge.


  1. Jami, you're such a beautiful person. I LOVE how you wrote all this. You have the greatest heart.
    AND. That picture? cuuuute.

  2. Oh, Marisa. You're sweet. This was an essay for my writing classes. Glad you liked it ;)

  3. Jami. Wow. You are an incredible human and I am ridiculously blessed to be able to call you sister. I LOVE all of these things about you...don't change. :)

  4. Beautiful girl, beautiful post. )

  5. I second everything they said...and regret that I cannot think of a better way to tell you that you are simply amazing.(:

  6. I love that you love ice cream. I love mint chocolate chip, and I get a double scoop!